hard time.

i know everyone will have their own hard time.
i just hope you can endure it.
it's one of the lesson to live in this big bad world.
tahan perasaan kau ok.
one day kau sedar kau ada yang lagi baik dari mereka.

mungkin mengambil masa y lama. setahun maybe, or 2 tahun, or 5 years.

but the sweetness is when you know you had already past the "own hard time" test.

rasa sgt gemilang.
percayalah.



sebab aku dulu pon mcm tu.

lahir,hidup,mati.
janji Allah itu pasti.
Al-Fatihah.

100.

hey.
you know what.
this is my 100th post.
and i ain't any idea what to write about.
hAha.
*such a lame idea yana. =,='


i finished my exams last wednesday.
but i just got home last saturday and getting back to my new rent house on sunday.
such a busy sem.
i know.

so, starting yesterday, we already starts our short sem.
but my class is today. and today is WESAK DAY.
ahahahaha.
i really hope i can do something good today.
not only sleep, sleep, cook, and eat.

semalam punye calories intake dah lebih 1500.  it suppose to be 1000 je.
2000 calories smpi gak kot.
arghhh.
hari ni tak bole mkn bebanyak.
*pnuh harapan hari ni kak ida tak masak sedap dan bebanyak. T.T

yes. i'm dieting.
lame dah. tp malas nk buat.haha
lagipon,
sbb hari tu dpn bp mall ade cm ape ntah dari HErbalife then they check my body. nor pon join. :)

that auntie said i had to cut my weight 10kg's more .
because that is my ideal weight.
i can do less. coz my maximum weight is 55.

she said,'if kite berat, lutut y efffect sebab if badan kita naik 1 kilo, tekanan kat lutut tampung berat for 5 kilos/'

but aku tak beli herba life tuh.
bukan sebab mahal.
tapi sebab takut if ada any side effect.
yeah, i know it is safe. it's HB you know. everybody know HB.
but for me,baik ikut jalan selamat.

byk tuu.
kesian lutut =,='


duduk rumah sewa sgt boring.
somebody please save me from here.


bile la McD taman U nak bukak.
arghhhh. makan lagik.

in love.

i'm in love with you 

BRUNO MARS

did you know he is  filipino+puerto rican :-)

sing me the song darl. haha

kalau depressed buat ape?

kalau depressed buat ape?

Answer here

heck.
i just can pray everything would be ease after this sem.
i just dont know what to say.
menangis byk pon tak guna.
blaja sudah. hafal sudah.
entahla.
ya Allah luluskan aku untuk paper td :'(
 sekarang utk paper esok pulak.

mak.

aku rasa perkataan yang paling banyak aku sebut dalam dunia ni adalah, "mak"

segala galanya 'mak'.

perkataan pertama keluar dari mulut ni pon 'mak'.

"mak, nak susu"

"mak,nak makan"

"mak,nak mainan tu."

"mak, nak kek yang tu. y warna warni tu.*guling2 atas lantai. *ye,ini kisah benar."

"mak,nak tindik telinga." pastu entak2 kaki.

"mak,nak beg baru."

"mak, nak kaler baru."

"mak, nak baju yang ni."

"mak, nak kasut y ni"

"mak, pencuci muka akak da abes"

"mak,nak pegi lawatan. rm70 hennget je"

"mak,akak dpt no 2 je"

"mak, akak dpt masuk uthm je"

"mak, nak DUIT."






you know what,
name it.
everything were given.
ain't more,ain't less.

i'm the one y paling degil.i know. dearly sorry.

happy mother's day, mom. :)

it just i'm too shy to tell you.
you knows me better.

love you so much,puan sarina lugiman. :)

yes,she loves kaaoke.

account.dan.saya

6th may 2011.
yes, aku dgn jayanya jawab paper account yang tiada kerelevanannya dalam jadual budak yang blaja coding.





i just have nothing to say.

*sambung nanges kat ujung katil.

if it were all up to me.

If it were all up to me

The poor would have riches

And the blind would see

The hungry would eat

The weak would strong

And the people with hatred would all get along

The ones who greedy would start to care

The thirsty would drink

And the deaf person would hear

and sorrow and sadness would dissappear

And that is how the world would be

If it were all up to me

Sara Alfano.eleven

whole day.

for the whole day of 5th may,

it suppose to be near a lappy there, but i used it to captured this pic. haha
ape nk buat, cam takde :'(

 on 6th may,

BASIC ACCOUNTING

3-6 PM

DTII

yeah,since for the first time i learn this subject, first time for almost 20 years i live, i just have to study it like kingdergarten kid learning ABC again. and yes, i know  YOU learned it before, but can you just let me feel some ease for a moment.

let it be ease dear Allah. 

mari sama2 berdoa.

pray for me k :)

tungkuslumussket,

me.

i'll miss you.

no,i've already miss you.

it will be a long 4 months.

T.T

*sambung nangis kat tepi katil.

sobs.sobs.

The Dolls Of Love

i just read the story a minute ago. it's a love story.

well, i know it's not the best story you ever heard and read. but, trust me,
this one,
is quite rare.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment
grabbing me.

“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.
He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then on the day i turned to 18th, I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…
But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
HONK~!!
“Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me.
That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…”
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…”
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~”
I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??”
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~”
It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”

“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

 i learn,

do not underestimate the littlest of gestures for they might be actually the ones

 which you will remember for life.

touchdown.

and how men sometimes can be too shy. :D

phase.

do you ever feel you really dont know why you are doing a certain thing for now?
no goal.
no feeling.
even no shadows of what it might be.
everything seems dull coz what u plan isn't really working out and it is extremely important to your life?

and you are wondering, "am i doing the right thing?"

paling penting, aku pernah tertanya2 kalau lah tuhan itu tidak wujud,
pada siapa kita hendak mengadu.
if any of your loved ones died, to whom would you complain and ask for sympathy?
if you had been in car accident and you lose your leg, forever, to whom would you beg?


about am-i-doing-the-right-thing i had think the consequence.
it will be the right thing if i do it sincerely and and make a lot of effort on what you are trying to do.

but, it will be the-not-right-thing if you do it with dark,dull and sick heart.

so, from my life, i just can conclude dark,dull,sick heart = not really knowing who are your god really is.

see the hook there? see the connection between

 doubtful am-i-doing-the-right-thing = your heart not close mentally and spiritually to Allah

faham tak?
faham tak?


the problem is with me,
i will repeat this thing like a flashback every single time i'm going through a phase of my life.

u understand aaa? ken? kenot? good.

 no one can help yourself unless you.

you too,yana.

stop whining and grab those books now.

pointer.

in my mind right now,
i'm thinking of my pointer.
then, i still have 4 papers more.
which is discrete n data that will or totally would or not screwing my pointer.
more, the person that i will let them down if my pointer down.
after that, about his pointer.
then, my pointer again.
it's all about pointer.
just right there, if i was thinking about our pointer,means i will recall all about you.
it's a bad thing u know, coz that will make i miss you.
but, not long after that,
again,
i still thinking about my pointer.
and about the people i loves if i let them down with my pointer.
still, this mind, full of pointer.
does this life is all about 4 flat?
well, no.
but we need it.for life. to live.

so, it's all about pointer now.

pointer.
pointer.
pointer.


"pegila study. kau ade tulis blog lagi apehal"

ya Allah, permudahkan segalaNya. berikan kekuatan untuk kurangkan malas. :')

ada rasa lagi tertekan tak lepas aku ulang perkataan pointer 15 kali. harap tak :D