the day after wesak day.

guess what i had done for the rest of today? wesak day ? yes.
none. none,
except i'm doing my laundry wearing kain batik turun ke bilik dobi.

 i feel lost.
i do feel i have far sliding away from my real reasons why i am here.
i do feel lost.
the shit feeling when you are 22 and you still don't know what do want for your future.
or for your life.
or for yourself.
i used to have a lot of dreams back then.
what happen now?
sitting and laying down all day long in front of the laptop.
lifeless.

my fault.
my bad.

when i was your man.

i love this song.
the sweetness of his voice,
the guilt,
the emotional ballads.
'
i love you too, bruno. *tetiba

but, this song is for his girl. wuwuwuwu T_T
yup, his girl.


'He admits that the ballad was about girlfriend Jessica Caban. He wrote the song when he was worried their relationship was coming to an end, however, they’re still together and stronger than ever. It doesn’t make the song any easier to sing though. “You’re bringing up all these old emotions again,” he says. “It’s just like bleeding!”  '  - Bruno Mars  .source.

awwwwww :3

this is her.

it's okay.

i still love your song.

teehee

and this too.

weekend,gatsby and vampire.

last weekend i went out with the girls :)
keluar pergi bp mall sbb nak tgk the great gatsby.

it was a good movie. not bad. berbaloi.
and sedih. haha
i dont know, seeing this movie made feel kinda sad and stress.
sumpah stress.
sebab the hero do not have the chance to get a good ending. sobs sobs sobs
and it was a reality. people are being so selfish when it comes to freedom.
blaming all the thing to the innocent person.
stress. stress . tak puas hati.
i still love you jack,gatsby.

and then,
guess what, i went for blood donation. super duper exited dan gila. :3

sebenarnya niat utama dari dulu memang nak derma darah, tp tak kesampaian sebab everytime these blood donation team came to my uni i will be unavailable. sebab tgk pms, baru lepas pms, or tak lama lagi nak pms. lol. semua timing tak kena.

since we have so much time yang perlu dibazirkan, mat and i decided to do it. wahid kenot sebab die underweight.

first checkpoint.
tulis nama dalam borang.
isi mana yang patut bla bla bla
questionnaire pasal kesihatan, sejarah sakit and semualah.

checkpoint 2
check darah.
one of the main point i did this is because i want to know what type of blood i am.
noob gila kan? umur 22 tahun baru tahu diri sendiri darah jenis apa.
lepas dah cek, she said, i am A POSITIVE.
wow.
selama ni i thought i am an O. (jakun for the next 30 minutes)
then die cek paras hb(hemoglobin)
hb = 12.5

checkpoint 3
kira tekanan darah.

checkpoint 4
bagi buku and things y berkaitan utk derma darah.

lepas tu baru pergi kat kerusi tu duduk, and voila, the vampire can suck my blood now.

tp, aku tak tahu la aku ni tak ikhlas ke hape kan, sumpah aku rasa seksa masa nak derma darah tu.

nurse : paras hb awak betul2 lepas paras minimum ye. 12.5. bawah dari tu tak boleh derma darah    dah.
me    : ye ke nurse? means?
nurse :  darah awak banyak ke tak. cukup zat ke tak (dia y jawab mcm tu)
me    : (badan berat mcm ni pun darah sikit ke? ape y berat? lemak? lol)
nurse : okay tangan kiri ye. tolong angkat lengan baju ye.
me    : okay.

she took the thing,  dont know what thing , lilit sekeliling lengan the cari urat aku.
after a while.

nurse : alamak, mane ye urat awak. tak nampak la. 
 me : (am i too fat sampai tak boleh nampak urat T_T) ye ke kak? tak boleh buat la ni kak? (bagus jugak takpayah buat. malu iteww urat iteww die tak jumpe. isk)

nurse : eh, takla. jap ea. ( she called someone name Baha,her superior maybe)

Baha: Kenapa ni ? urat tak jumpe? 

and he's the one y cucuk jarum kecil, then cucuk jarum yang besar plak.
takde la sakit mana. *berlakon gagah padahal tutup mata

after five minutes...

nurse : kenapa darah awak tak gerak ea?
me : hah? ye ke kak? kenapa?
nurse : a'ah. jap ye.

nak tahu dia buat apa?
dia goyang2 kan jarum tu . jarum dalam urat aku tu, yup. dia goyang2 kan sampai aku rasa kot jarum tu ke kiri ke kanan carik darah lagi.lol.
darah still slow.
aku dah macam, kenapa ni, aku cacat ke. isk.
lepas tu dia panggil lagi skali en Baha tu, en Baha pulak sambung goyang2 jarum siap goyangkan wayar.
dalam hati, i was like, wei, my tangan is a living thing. please do't ruin it. T_T

"hah, laju dah. amek plaster tampal wayar ni macam ni. "

bertambah la plaster kat tgn aku. isk


by this time , mat, who was laying next to me, dah habes dah derma darah. laju gila darah dia klua isk.
and also mamat y skali ngan kitorang tu pun dah habis dah.
means i was the one y lambat.

after a while..

nurse : darah awak ni dah tak nak keluar la. 
me : means kak? kenapa? *why blood, why u r treating me like this. i give u enuf food. Y_Y
Baha: ermm, takpela, kira 60% da ni. boleh la berhenti. darah dia da stop flow.

so nurse tu pun bukak la plaster satu persatu. sampai plaster terakhir, u know what happen?
dia melekat kat wayar. means  melekat to each other. aku tak tahu la macam mana nak terangkan, tapi ingat tak kalau pergi econsave beli sayur letak dalam plastik lepastu nak timbang, die selotape macam mana plastik tu. ha, macam tu die dok lilit wayar tu. hujung wayar tu ada lagi jarum. jarum tu masih dalam urat aku weh. isk isk.

seksa jugak la nurse tu nk bukak plaster tu sebab kuat kot gam dia,. salah tarik, tercabut jarum, berjurai darah aku nanti. isk.

goyang lagi jarum tu.

lepas tu bukak. lepas tu darah kluar lagi. lepas tu tekan tak bagi keluar. duduk sekejap. lepas tu dah.



lebam bhai urat gua.
nasib baik tgn kiri.
tak nak derma darah lagi. isk.

tp lepas tgk gambar ni, rasa macam, takpela, maybe next time will be better.

your blood can help other people lives.

the point here is,

diet lah yana.

supaya urat senang nampak nanti.

*nangis hujung katil

i'm okay.

yesterday, i was devastated. knowing some things would be tremendous sad. and backfired.
i learned few things would never be the same when people really wouldn't want you to be in their circle anymore.

even after some time, moments we had together i know it wasn't fake.
but, it's okay.
after a long thoughts, i know why maybe this was the best way.
it's true.
obviously we are not in the same league.
Allah knows more :)
at the end, i just believe, we all are in the same boats, but different cabin.

enough with the heavy. :)

i was surfing the web there and there, reading there and there, looking there and there.
i realize,
different people have different kind of satisfaction.
and sometimes the way they show their satisfaction is one of the way to get validation from people.
and it's exaggerating.

some people wants everyone to know who they are.
some people don't want to be seen, only y rapat je kenal.

some people loves followers.
some people not.

some people loves to go out and proud to be known.
well, some people don't.

some people loves their pics being seen.
some people think it's a privacy thing.

some people loves to share stories.(i mean everything)
some people hate to hear stories.

these enormous reasons, do i one of them?


yes.

i used to live in a place where everyone know who i am. (well, not everyone.i'm just exaggerating.)
well, the place i used to live is quite a small town.
so, basically, the world is only there.
you go that place, they know you.
you go here, they also know you.
you go there, there also got people who know you.
i'm not really good when talking to new people.
sometimes i just standing or sit there being a mannequin.

then , something happen.
go to a new place.
i don't want people to know who i am.
i just don't.
because privacy is priceless nowadays.
letting only a few that you trust entering your privacy world is special.
that is what i want to do to people i want to know.
by giving them speciality.

lgpun, i do have weakness.
tak pandai mengampu. tak berapa nak ramah. muka kerek.
sebab tu tak ramai kawan kot. lol. haha


pictures.
i love taking pictures.
but, after some experiences i had gone through few years back,
for me it is the best not to show pictures randomly.
especially the pictures of your loved ones.
family,friends,girlfriend,boyfriends, the one who close to you.
it's quite risky.
i dont know how to say this, but, we should be careful.
well, we don't want to let strangers(who is maybe some dangerous people) know who is our family,grandpa,grandma, relatives, ain't right?

am i a maniac?
i dont know.
again, privacy.
it is okay kalau berpada-pada.
bak kata orang, just bersederhana.
jangan la sampai orang dah lupa macam mana muka kita kan. haha

one more thing,
we never know what people would pray for us when they see our picture.
kata2 orang lain pun doa.
especially jenis mulut cik kiah. :P











i love a little privacy,
and i'm okay.





:)

a lot.

i am sad.
i feel like i had lost a lot of friends.

maybe it is me .

maybe i am the problem.

no matter.

no matter what happen,
it is our choice.
every single thing that happen,
it's up to us.
our choice.

shit happens.

shit do happen.

don't laugh too much. it will ruin your day.

conclusion, just.don't.laugh.