I have irregular periods so I didn’t really know which date was my first week of pregnancy or when was the EDD.
But I know my body was changing and I took the UPT. Yes I was pregnant. It was one of the happiest time because Mior and I have been waiting for this; we’ve been married for almost 2 years. Two weeks after taking the UPT test, I went to the doctor for my first sonogram but the doctor didn’t see anything. She said my uterus was empty. It could be still early. I was still in my early pregnancy weeks.
Another two weeks past by and I have brown spot everyday. I thought that could be an implementation spot when the embryo was trying to attached to my uterus lining. But a week after that I got this heavy cramping on my lower abdomen while I was working in the office. It comes with red blood. It was sticky and not like fresh blood but for me it was a lot.
So that evening on February 18th 2020 we went to the hospital. The doctor took my blood and did all the screening test they would do. Named it. The TVS, the sonogram, the speculum and putting their fingers in my vagina.
The blood test came in and my Hcg level was high. I should be in my 6 weeks of pregnancy but there is no sign of sac in my uterus. They decided to hold me for one night so I can meet the specialist tomorrow early morning. So just like that, that was my first night in the ward.The next day, two specialist was attending me , Dr L and Dr M. Both of them are really helpful and understanding but I am still praying it was not ectopic pregnancy. Both of them did the TVS again but with much more high tech machine and they still can’t see the embryo/sac in my uterus. But they saw something on my left fallopian like a lump. I still remember what Dr L said.
“We will need to do a surgery on you just to make sure it’s not an ectopic pregnancy. It’s a laparoscopic surgery and we will cut your stomach at three places. The first one would be in your belly button just to see the whole situation. One we’ve confirm the situation, another 2 cuts will be needed. If your fallopians are good and there’s no zygote there we do not have to remove it. But if it’s there, we will need to remove it. “
Just like that, my dream was shattered. I broke down 10 minutes before going into the operation theater. Because it was happening too quickly. Only yesterday I was still pregnant but today at 10 AM I was broken. The surgery completed within 2.5 hours. I went out from the OT without my left fallopian and my little zygote. I can’t think much with the anesthesia still on me but I know my heart was broken. My husband was there all the time to accompany me and I know he was broken too.
The doctor gave me one month leave instead of the usual 2 weeks leave. I don’t know. I guess she felt like she has some connection with me because we have the same name and she’s been through what I’ve been through now. She told me she only has one fallopian too. She was an ectopic case too. But she has two kids now. I think she’s trying to make my heart feel lighter. I do appreciate her gesture but at that moment I can’t really think much. Only when my emotion was stable again, I remembered her words and it means a lot to me. It gave me hope.
I wrote this also in one of the popular question-and-answer website and someone commented that I should give a name to my unborn baby. It doesn't matter how many weeks I was because it's a gesture to calm and heal the mother's soul.
I decided to call my little angel as Faith.
Faith - as purest it sound, as innocent it felt.
