oh

I really2 wanna take a day off.
Vacation.

i don't really care if pergi seorang.
I need to take a rest.

Shopping doesn't seems gonna solve my headache

The Dreamer part 1

I walked down the street. It was chilly that night. The sound of breeze and the sound of crickets singing only made me feel lonelier.

 She left me. After 4 years of being together, I still kept thinking about her. 

In every way I can. 

The movie she loves so much. The path we had walked together. That cheese cake she always love to eat and never failed getting it from me whenever we were going out. 

I did not even feel the burden spending my money on her because what matter the most that time was her happiness.  She’s a sleepy head. Really a heavy sleepy head and I find that fascinating for someone who had slept early in the night but still managed to sleep whenever she got into the car with me. The painful memories keep coming in every steps I took to forget all of it. 

After the long walk, I arrived at home on 11:43. I locked the door, threw my sweatshirt on the bed and change into something much more comfortable I guess. I went online but nothing was there. Nothing catch my breath anymore.  After thirty minutes of walking around the neighborhood I can finally sleep after making myself tired.

 I can’t simply sleep like a normal person anymore, well , most of the time. 

I closed my eyes there she sat. On the old wooden green bench she used to wait for me. The sun was giving all it sunlight to her while she was smiling looking a boy playing kite about thirty meters in front of her. She’s holding a plastic bag which was full of – I don’t know, I guess it was her favorite French brioche this time. It must be chocolate. She loves it. She always chose that filling. Her soft brown t-shirt makes her hair looks astonishing. Her black jeans look good today. She can’t wear other than that color. Because that is the only jeans she has. “I don’t like other jeans. I like this one. It makes me look good. ” I just nodded hearing that. She always looks good to me. Even when she was whining about why people keep throwing thrash outside the car’s window or when she was mad when no one is listening to her. I was there literally was listening to her. Woman can be weird sometime. But her kind of weird that I miss the most. The vision fades away little by little. But still, she’s not letting me go again that night.

**********

“There is no such thing as ghost, Anna.”

“But I really saw it. It walked down towards our house and just passed it. It looked down all the time without watching around. ” Anna started to make the unwanted face of seeing something no one would even want to encounter it.

“Okay. Details.” Sara starts to make coffee for her. She pour the boiling water into the blue mug and stirs it slowly.

“errr black?”

“What kind of details is that?”

“Well, I was scared enough, I can’t even think anything at that moment.” Anna takes the mug from her and drink a sip of it. Caffeine is such a bless.

“Tall?”

“Yes”

“Walking slowly like someone just came back from the grave?”

“Yes, and I’m not sure about the grave?” She smirked.

“He’s not a ghost.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah.He’s the guy that lives in Webbers families used to live at the end of the road.”

“But what was he doing? Walking alone without looking up and it was not even weekend. Not to mention with his way of walking. I almost thought someone is gonna die because he seems like planning to kill someone.”

“He just moves here. No one really catch a glimpse on him on daylight.” She lifted her hand pointing out towards her window showing the direction where he lives.

“Wow. To think it back again, the way he moved, it looks like -  ”  Anna had already stand up from the chair and walking through the kitchen bar so she can see much more closer on where Sara hand is pointing to.

“- he looks like he is hanging on but hanging on to nothing. Right ?”

“I guess so.”

“He did that every night. ”

“I wonder what happen to him.” She looked outside the window and hold her mug thinking what kind of man living alone in this area an no one ever see his face.

“So, you still want a supper?” Sara smiled and starts walking towards her fridge taking out some leftover bread from dinner. Anna is sure hungry and she knew she had to make sandwich for her.

“Yeah, sure. It’s already  1 am and I still didn’t eat a bite of food. Working 12 hour shift really makes you going on an automatically.” She laughed and sit back on that cozy chair behind the black shining desk.

******

“It’s time.”

 He woke up and checked his phone for any phone calls or text but nothing displayed on the screen. Only the clock and weather updates for today. He stand up and make his way to the bathroom. 

Doing the same routine every day really makes him move steadily without needing to hesitate on his action for what he must do next. 

He walked towards the front door and held the door knob. Suddenly he stopped for a while.  ‘We can do it today.’

kerja again. sorry but not sorry.

it's weird how bila mana kau dah sedar,

no wonder orang dah kerja tak ada masa nak memikirkan benda-benda yang membuang masa.

yang merepek.

yang akan menggunakan masa kau yang berharga,so kau decide cut off terus pk benda yang kau tahu, 

kalau kau tak dapat sekarang dan esok, kenapa kau perlu pening mengenai perkara tu untuk skrg dan esok.

dan kau sedar, betapa seksanya tak boleh tidur malam memikir kerja tak siap lagi, tak setel lagi, tapi esok kena plan utk kerja lain. 

dan bila tak boleh tidur malam tu menjadi perkara biasa dalam rutin mingguan kau, kau sedar lagi, no wonder sesetengah orang tak mampu nk memanjakan diri bila diri sendiri tak ada masa nk dimanjakan.

bila kau tanya rakan sekerja,

"selalu tidur pukul berapa?"

"pukul 2:30 pagi tu biasa wak"

deym. 

dan kau sedar, bila kau rasa semua ni, hadap semua ni, byk benda yang kau belajar.

Termasuk belajar jadi dewasa. 

belajar bertanggungjawab.

belajar terima semua walau pun kau tak suka. 

dan kau juga sedar, sebenarnya semua orang lalu, 

beza cepat atau lambat,

sekejap atau lama,

sekarang atau esok lusa. 

i'm in a phase yang semua orang lalu, 

but i'm learning to accept it. 

nak tahu betapa stressnya kerja aku? *in b4, semua orang kerja stress.takyah nk emosi sgt*

teammate aku ada berhenti balik pada company lama yang dekat kl lg tnggi kos hidup. 

dia lagi rela kerja sana dr kerja sini yang berjaya buat dia breakdown menangis ber jam2 sbb

kerja.

btw, 

dia lelaki. dah ade experience kerja 2 tahun.

Stupidity

You know the feeling when u think u just wanna give up right now.
But you stay.
Because deep down you know u gonna search for it again and why not u keep it for now so xrasa rugi lepaskan apa2.
But again, u also know that is so selfish. Selfish enough to make people believe maybe it's not about anything else,it was you .

Workstation

Org serabut.
Meja pun serabut.
File bersepah.
Sape nk kemaskan meh dtg.
Kalau 5S datang ni , fail. Isk.

Stay.

We tend to hurt the person we love simply because we know they won't go anywhere.
They will stay.
No mattter what.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry my words hurt you.

Stay.
We had promise to stay.

Movember

Jujur,
Kalau hati sudah tiada,
Kata apa pun,
Kalau ingin pergi,
Tetap pergi.

Jujur,
Kalau sudah tetap pendirian,
Pujuk apa pun,
Kalau ingin merubah hati,
Tetap jadi.

Jujur,
Walau sudah rapat,
Kenal mula tetap sebagai orang asing.

Dan akhirnya,
Kita pilih untuk menjadi asing.
Asing untuk hati.
Untuk diri.
Untuk senang pergi.

We are the one who choose to end up as strangers again.
Move with the wind.
So your skin would be less hurt.
So your heart won't be ice cold.
So your memories gonna kill itself.

Hello Movember November.
I wonder how fate gonna tangled again.