Me

I wish i know what i am doing right now. It feels like everything is crumbling apart again.

I am lost.
In the middle ocean of people.
Trying to get found
Between all of these.

why i always see other people as a happy person - happy couple and have a happy life ?

it seems like they have so much things that already fall into places for them.
and i am stuck here menanti dan menanti.

Atuk,

Along rindu. :(

Past

Aku dah buat sesuatu yang aku tak pernah terfikir aku akan buat. 

tertulis di takdir atau tidak?
Hingga aku rasa layak kah aku untuk tuhan?
Mampukah aku lupakan?
Jiwa apa y aku perlu bersihkan?

Lama.
Lama aku termenung, masih layakkah aku?

Tuhan, peluklah aku dengan ketenanganMu.
Lindungi aku dari masa lalu.
Tunjukkan aku jalanMu.

Kerana aku masih lagi jiwa yang terlalu lama lari dariMu.

random mind

I would love to write. a lot.
but sometimes when i already get a grip on a pen, suddenly all my thoughts are gone.
it'like they know they shouldn't be there at the first place.
it's like they know the moment they were in my head it was only for temporary and should not exposing themselves to outsiders. other than in my head. because they belong there.
only there.

as they know the risk of being known and how painful it is to be misinterpret.
as they know reality is much more cruel than in my minds.

Allah,

makes me remember You more.

"along kena ingat, atuk pernah cakap dengan mak ngah dulu, takdir memang dah tertulis.

tapi... 70% adalah daripada hati. 

ia boleh berubah. 

along kena faham, mungkin apa yang paklong nampak, adalah masa sekarang.

mungkin hati tu tak tetap sekarang.

tapi kita boleh berusaha. yang penting kita usaha."

I almost cried, because I need that. 

terima kasih mak ngah.

ya Allah..
tetapkanlah kebergantunganku hanya padaMu.
Jangan ditambah rasa ku kepada makhlukmu melebihi rasa kepadaMu.

along  rindu atuk.
rindu sangat2.

redha. 

redha dengan jalan-Nya

Ikhlas kan hati dengan dugaan-Nya

Kuatkan hati dengan kekuatan-Nya. 

Cara Semak Rekod CCRIS Online

To be honest,
aku sendiri tak tahu berapa lama dah bulanan tertunggak yang aku kena bayar untuk PTPTN aku. sebab seingat aku hanya sekali je kot aku pernah bayar dulu.

And I really want to know mcm mana rekod CCRIS aku kat bank negara.

tapi setelah google sana sini, nak dapatkan rekod CCRIS memang hanya dari Bank Negara sahaja.
Nak mintak pos pun boleh tapi mcm banyak prosedur je.

So actually there is another alternative.

RAMCI

Their service is quite fast. Lepas aku setel daftar and bayar rm10 it was only around 20 minutes for the process. then after that kau dpt email mengenai rekod kredit kau.


1) daftar masuk sistem.

lepas berjaya daftar, untuk verification kena upload gambar depan belakang IC (aku buat bentuk pdf),
then any bills yang ada nama kau as penama.
aku upload je pdf bill celcom yang dapat bulan- bulan tu.

after kau dah upload and sent, tak lama lepas tu cek email they will sent basic kredit report yang aku pun xberapa nak faham sangat *lol.

2) after that search untuk beli report kredit for only rm10. rasa mcm byk jugak rm10 tu  tapi ahhh aku nak tgk cepat hahaha

so setelkan bayar payment online , around 5-10 minutes after that kau dah boleh dapatkan
that reports dlm inbox email kau. (email yang didaftarkan pada akaun RAMCI ni ye)

btw that reports ada passwords yang dia akan bgtaw skali dlm email mcm mana nak dpt. but don't worry. that step was easy.


so you will get one reports yang mengandungi hutang2 yang kau kena bayar, and company/organisation mana yang pernah check profile ccris kau.

tadaaaa !! 

so here how it looks like.

okay boleh cuba sekarang :P

ada kerja perlu di siapkan. 

tetapi hari ini hari ahad.

boleh x buat esok je?

answer

the video below really makes me cry.

because, for months i've been asking Allah what is the point of doing or choosing what i want now if ends up things will not be just like what i want. 

the climax feeling was a week before i watched this video. I was crying from work while driving. 

I am asking for an answer. 

what is the point of choosing what i want now,seeding hope high as a mountain,  but i can't expect the same result later and it may be getting a pain again?

the moment i watched this video, it was like an arrow hit right to the target into my heart, head and soul. 

these is actually the answer. and HE sent it to me gracefully.. explaining bit by bit. :')

I cried so hard.

I even replaying the video at the same spot for many times while wiping my tears. 

you know HE never stop loving you and wants you to keep searching for HIM when HE is giving answer in 

any ways HE can. :')

hati.
percaya pada Dia.
Dia yang memegang segala kuasa.

segala cerita.

Have faith in Him.

becoming better

I realized I had been writing less here.
I wish I could write more.
So here we are.


I've been working in the new branch for the past 3 months.
Cyberjaya.
I like it here.
But it is lonely.
Because most of the staff are at LHDN - on site.

Tbh, it is lonely here.
 I just want to go home sometimes and hang out with my friend, old colleague. It's much more fun.
But I wanna stay here.
I wanna learn.
I wanna see new things.

As we become older we tend to emphasize on how to become better.
And I choose this way.

arghhh mana nak carik semangat kerjaaaa niii T.T




be happy.

I'm going home next week.
:)

#reminder1

Enjoy the moment, Liyana.
Stop worrying about the future.
Live your life well :)

Future

if you ask me, how do i keep my poker face around someone who had hurt me so much but then i have to face that
person everyday ?
and also how we both can be friends like nothing happen before?

i would answer,

because my career is much more important than that person.
the pain will go away.
but my career; that one thing solely belongs to me, will always be there dgn izin Allah.
I choose this way instead of running away.


well, i did choose that once. And i realize that only make me weaker.

 no one know the future. our future.

but, i would like to highlight here,
future is subjective. it can be change.
with usaha, doa, tawakal and also with the fact y kau aware tiap pilihan kau buat ada risiko tersendiri yang kau ikhlas ambil dan lalui.

tidak ada yang terbaik pada setiap masa actually.
apa yang tak baik hari ini utk kau mungkin baik pada 2 3 tahun hadapan.
and apa yang baik hari ini mungkin tidak baik untuk tahun seterusnya.

what makes it a difference is how we accept and interpret it on our own way.
and at the same time, it will test our level of acceptance on everything Allah had plan.

remember that Liyana. remember that always.

yakin.

yakin dengan Allah.
yakin dengan perancangan Dia.
yakin Dia maha memegang segalanya.

i used to always reminding myself,

"Meminta pada Allah, bukan pada manusia."

It seems i keep forgetting that now.  should remember it again. always.

Faham.

Kadang,
Kita cuma nak orang yang kita sayang,
Faham,
Betapa susahnya kita untuk lupa satu satunya kenangan yang paling pahit kita ada.

Resah.
Gelisah.
Sebab sedaya upaya cuba untuk tidak berfikir semula yang ia boleh berlaku lagi.

Kadang,
Bertahun berlalu
11 tahun dikira,
Tidak menjamin apa-apa.
Kerana aku masih ingat,
Suara yang aku dgr maghrib itu, esok pulang sebagai jenazah.

Kau tahu berapa jam jarak tersebut?
Tidak sampai 12 jam aku kira.
Dan kau cuma mampu duduk berteleku di sudut dinding memeluk lutut, sambil tersenyum melihat orang yang lalu lalang.

Tiada air mata.
Tiada rasa apa.
Kosong.
Yang datang menepuk bahu dengan mulut yang berkata kata tidak ada satu pun y dengar ke telinga.

Kerana dalam hati masih berharap yang
terbujur kaku itu bukan orang yang selama ini menjadi tempat kau berpegang erat.

Benar.
Kita dan mati hanya sejarak satu garisan.
Garisan halus.
Yang bila sahaja mampu putus.

Jadi.
Kamu.
Tolong.
Aku merayu.
Cuba sesaat rasa bagaimana jadi aku yang tersenyum di sudut dinding itu.

because

Trust the words.
Trust Allah.
Let Him plan everything you need. 
because whoever you are at the end,
 you belong to Him.

hello

Hello 2016 :)

Tengok archive blog, dah tujuh tahun rupanya aku menulis dalam ni.
If dinilaikan dengan umur, dah masuk darjah satu dah. :)

I don't know why, honestly i've been waiting for 2016.
sebab aku suka nombor 6. haha.
I do have a few favs number.

3, for my birthday date.
6, I just love number 6. I don't know why.
10, birthday date.

and 21. I just like it.

2016 is quite different. I want it to be different. I want to value myself more
and start appreciating on what is around me all these time.

and also, I will be transferred to KL for our new project.
should have been there since 26/12 but the BRS meeting will only start on 18/1.
However they had re adjust the schedule and new date is 11/1.

That means it's my last week on JB .

I don't know to whom i would do the TOT. sebab mmg bos tak hire orang baru ni.
HRMS team just left with kak iza and our boss. also kak yati on off jb-kl.

Kak zai had resigned. but she will continue doing freelance for KPTM project;the one i'm going to handle later in KL.

Kinda gigil weh nak drive ke KL sensorang. nak cari rumah lg. haha

but may Allah ease everything.
i wish everything is well.

Hai H, i miss you.
be safe there.
ily.