masquerade

My mind
my heart
my body
my brain
are tired now.

i hide this ugly tears behind this mask
i leap against this feeling walking away nonchalantly
i put the joker smile and trick my eyes to move in tenuous path
i play this game without knowing the right card

everything is hidden
it's like a ball of masquerade in here

as long the ball is going on
there is a heart to be fed on

8 years memories.

he came back.
wished me selamat hari raya.
hoping i am fine here.
saying tergerak nak emel sekarang.
asking me how's life now.
and saying he's on the way to Barcelona Spain.
as i recalled, no , i never got postcard from Spain. will u give it again?
like what u did while u were in amsterdam, antwerp,chile, japan, afrika, and else.
and u will wrote the history of the countries you had visited for me.
will there be another keychain?
or handwrite letters?
yes i do remember.
but, it will be awkward now.

asking how's my other siblings now.
are they doing well as usual.
asking do i have any problem now.
and willing to help.
why you need to be so flair as usual.
like asking for hope.
why you never asked how i feel for the past 8 years. at least 3 years ago.
that's when you decided to leave.


well,i am in love now with someone else now.
let just faith decide it all.


happy belated birthday.

kalau hati ini mampu dirobek
apa aku sendiri mampu bertahan
hidup dibelenggu ketakutan
sampai bila mahu dipijakkan.
..

laptop hunting at Danga City Mall

so, i already bought my laptop yesterday :)

i decided to buy it early.
as soon as duit pinjaman masuk, that week jugak mmg kena beli. kalau tak, duit terbang entah ke mana.
lepas tu menangisi nasib kenapa duit laju je mengalir macam air terjun.

sampai kat danga city mall dalam pukul 10 pagi gitu. sbb bajet kedai dalam mall tu mesti dah buka kan.
rupanya kedai2 ni semua tutup lagi. kedai2 laptop semua tak buka lagi. yang buka cuma kedai lain je.
pukul 11.00 pagi baru bukak. itupun baru tarik grill. 11.15 baru la mcm ada rupa IT centre sket.

supposely beli leisure macam biasa kan? tapi takkkkk T.T sebab mak sekolah. ajak mak teman sbb igt sempat la balik rumah dulu, baru pergi sekolah tp rupanya kedai bukak pukul 11.15. jarak mall tu dgn rumah dah la satu jam lebih. sekolah hari sabtu. terkejar nak mencari laptop bajet <rm1500.  :'(

so, since dah tanya kat Forum A ni pasal laptop ape y sesuai dgn life as IT student and small budget, dah tahu nak laptop hunting brand apa.
ada dua je. either Lenovo G400s or Dell Inspiron 14-3437. both i3/2gb/500g.

first, mmg jumpa lenovo. G480 kalau tak silap. but, adik lelaki ada pakai yang ni. it does seems okay. dia pakai pun takda nak bising problem pape. buat men game DOTA okay je kan.
tapi hati nak try brand yang lain pulak lah. haha. pusing dua kali baru kedai jual Dell tu bukak hmmphhhhhhh

yes, mmg ada <1500. but it was dell Vostro. not Inspiron. Inspiron semua >1600.
tak tahu nak buat apa dah. nak pusing lagi, masa dah suntuk.
then, seller tu cakap, dell vostro also okay maaa. *mmg la. nak jual barang kan. semua barang okay.
i was reluctant at first, but what captured me was it has Windows 7. haha
walaupun windows 8 boleh install sendiri START button tp, until today kekok gila nak pakai. nak buat kerja pun susah. software banyak y tak compatible. blerghhhh.
anddd it is i3/2gb/500g. okay lah. walaupun katanya ni business edition, angkut je lahhh.
i asked for 4g ram. so tambah lagi rm75.

then, masa nak bayar. nampak external hard disk. cantik plak tuh. merah maroon . hihi. skali kan jelah.
last sem kat uni baru nak bli. lol.
it's quite affordable. 500g=rm158. 1tera mcm tak ada hati nak bli. maybe sebab makin sedih duit makin kurang. haha.

rabak poket.

vostro 2420

bertambah rabak poket.

and yes, i do recommend people buy your laptop there. or yang seangkatan dengannya.
sebab sumpah mmg banyak pilihan. no wonder my friend also recommended me to go there too. rambang mata. but be careful, look up for the tips how to buy laptops on internet. kadang2 dia tengok kita ni bebodoh je,senang la dia nak tipu kan.
tapi kalau kat tempat korang ada tempat nak beli takyah la nak pergi jejauh sampai danga city mall kan.
hihi.
pergi sana pun sbb memang kat kulai tak tahu nak beli kat mana. kalau  ada pun mmg tak banyak pilihan.

for those nak harga y lagi murah tp nak criteria mcm aku y beli, mmg ada. secondhand. tapi susah lah nak percaya. kita ni dahla perempuan. senang kena tipu. lepas tu, tak ramai kenalan, tak ramai network cm bebudak lelaki kan. nak cari criteria y sama and cheaper, kena kenal orang yang betul. kadang2 rm700 pun da dapat. so, nak tak nak, beli jugaklah yang harga macam ni. tak apa, rezeki Allah kita tak boleh jangka. macam2 boleh jadi :)


misi migrate data ke vostro yawww.




i love you baby vostro. keep healthy unlike my old compaq k. tahun ke-3 dah rosak motherboard. hmmphhh








okay. lepas ni, boleh puasa hari-hari yeee. (Y.Y)

.
.
.
.
.i should grow up faster.
ya Allah. help me.
help my family.
help my mom.
only You could give us strength now.
only You.

pendiam

minggu ni minggu ke lapan dah LI kat sini.
tp still rasa macam baru masuk.
mungkin sebab mulut ni kot y berat sangat bercakap.
macam mana nak jadi peramah eh?

one of the reason i dont want to be too much talkative to anyone new, is because takut tercakap benda yang tak patut, takut ter-tanya benda yang awkward, takut tersalah cakap, takut terjumpa orang yang dimana bila kita buka mulut je dia tahu kita ni di tahap mana dalam bidang kita, takut terdengar benda yang tak patut dengar, takut memacam lah.

but bukannya kita tak nak tegur. it's just that small thing y buat kita banyak fikir then terus taknak tegur dah.


.
.
.
..
or maybe just persetankan-semua-itu. dah dua orang kata aku terlalu pendiam. pendiam salah. tak pendiam pun salah.
do you know thee feeling when you know you deserve there but as just as replacement/practical-student/sit-on-the-benchmark/if-ada-opinion-pun-belum-layak-lagi-nak-menyuarakan-tapi-layak-buat-semua-kerja-y-diberi. you would be more careful kan.

ke aku sorang je y pikir camni?






hermmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

dapat coklat time-time macam ni pun bahagia dah T_T