Place me in the corner Inside your heart

I wish I meant something to you

Like you did to me

I wish I could stay as new

As when you first found me

Oh my

Head is tight from just tryna hide my views

Oh when

I keep trying my best just to keep you

Place me in the corner

Inside your heart

So that you remember

Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)

Are you still having fun

While I'm still waiting

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone

You'll learn something

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

I'm not as smart as your books

But I know how to look

Out for you...

I come with the head and the heart

Being using it from the start

And my

Brain is starting to suffering bcos of you

Still

I've been trying my best just to please you

Place me in the corner

Inside your heart

So that you remember

Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)

Are you still having fun

While I'm still waiting

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone

You'll learn something

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Place me in the corner

Inside your heart

So that you remember

Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)

Are you still having fun

While I'm still waiting

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone

You'll learn something

(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Ten years.

It was six o'clock.
I woke up and went ahead straight to the kitchen. I saw my mom there washing our clothes. It's her normal
routine, even it was Sunday, there would be still laundry from before. I had spent my whole day watching
tv, ezpecially until 5 or 6 pm there would be a lot of cartoons and anime.
As the clock approaching 6.05 i was already in the living room again with a broom on my right hand.
i swept the floor while my little brothers and sisters already going outside to play.

My dad came out from the back room, our third room in the house, with his towel arond his waist and
walked towards the tv cabinet. He opened the left door and put some sort of white document that was on his
right hand before.

I finished sweeping the floor around 20 minutes later and went towards the kitchen again to
throw away all the dust and other i-don't-even-know-why-even-it-was-here -on-the-floor-in-the
-first-place-let's-just-throw-it-away.
I saw my dad was cooking something.

"Ape tu yah?"

"Kuah kacang"

Smells like kuah kacang satay. or nasi impit. A silver plastic was placed next to the
pot. Seems like kuah kacang ekspress. Just put into the pot and add some water.

I went to take a shower and my other siblings are waiting for their turn already.
After that, i saw my dad eating his kuah kacang in a bowl but I'm not sure he was eating it with what.
Well that's not even my concern. Tomorrow will be Monday. urghhhh

He went to take a shower and i went to my room. Asar was near. Maghrib gonna finish soon.
I performed my prayer and by the time I finished reciting some doa, i took away my kain telekung,
but still wearing my tudung telekung, i walked toward the door and heard car engine being started.

I stood on the front door of our house..
I opened a little bit more of our sliding door, and saw my dad already in
our red car. I looked at him. He's changing the reverse gear. and started to hit the accelerator slowly.

I watched him slowly getting dissappear from our front porch.

and that's the last time i saw him breathing.


His body arrived at our house around 10 am the next morning.
Already full kafan.
And still I was still in my world. Saying he was still out there.
This is not him.

*********************

That was ten years ago. 

Ten years,

Wow.

I never thought i could come this far. 

I know you know what I wrote dad. 

Thank You for coming by once a while. 

Make yourself busy.

you can do it. 

Perjalanan

when i reminisced back all the stories, all the things that ever happen,

I do realized something. 

Every path, every way in my destiny had been beautifully written.

Either berubah di tengah jalan atau memang yang dah tertulis sejak azali. 

For the past few years, i learned things. Thing that I never thought would happen to me. 

Things are really complicated right now. 

After I met Pak Long last week really had changed everything.

My hope doesn't happen to be the same again.

My tears flows not because of the same thing again. 

It flows because knowing there would  be no us. Not even a bit. 

Because I already know the ending. 

Because I know it too much. 

********

Why do you treat me so well? so normal?"

"Because that's the only way stopping me from being sad."

"We both trying to be normal again. We can. But we have to accept the fact that we already know the ending. "

"Yep. Kita kena terima hakikat."

"What are we now?"

"Best friends. "

"Sure. We have no other choices. "

Best friends. Sure.

All I Want

The first I time I heard this song was on The Voice. 

One of the contestant sung it and it really gives me shivers.

The moment I heard it, I can feel the sorrow that comes within the song,

I was mesmerized on  how a perfect lyrics and a perfect melody could gives us the feeling that wasn't even there before.

The moment I heard the chorus, there's a feeling in me, urging to come out, it's like I know I'm gonna feel this feeling soon. 

But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody.
I'll find somebody like you.

My guts is like telling me something gonna hit you and this is the perfect song to play lurching your heart.

and..

3 days after I heard this.

It happen.

Then I listened to this for hours. 

Hoping some miracle would happen but it doesn't.

I still pray.

Pray for you. 

For me.

For us.

I'll accept the bitter better.

The hard truth.

And the kindness left behind.

Be Happy,Shun.

All I Want - Kodaline

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

'Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die a happy man I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without you by my side

But if you loved me

Why'd you leave me?

Take my body

Take my body

All I want is,

And all I need is

To find somebody.

I'll find somebody like you.

Oh oh

So you brought out the best of me,

A part of me I've never seen.

You took my soul and wiped it clean.

Our love was made for movie screens.

But if you loved me

Why'd you leave me?

Take my body,

Take my body.

All I want is,

And all I need is

To find somebody.

I'll find somebody.

Oh

If you loved me

Why'd you leave me?

Take my body,

Take my body.

All I want is,

All I need is

To find somebody.

I'll find somebody like you.

Oh

March Blues.

to be frank, there is a lot of unfinished business i need to check.
i'm stuck in between of memories and reality.
i'm stuck in between of not getting what i want and getting what i suppose to have.

the past few weeks was hell.
because i thought i could get a grip, but it's not.
i thought i have the perfect puzzle. turns out, it's not.

life is about a journey.
but sometimes we wish it's about a perfect destination.
too long staying in the comfortable zone gonna gives you a lot of shit later .

I'm no longer suppose to be called as a child.
but i don't want to be call as an adult too.
i refuse to feel the feeling.
the moment of bitter better and hard truth.

but then He sent me someone to calm me down.
there is a silver lining in every cloud.
he's like a brother i never have.
and we get closer only now kinda make me sad because yesterday was his last day.

'start minggu depan ko kena kuat n independent.. aku dh xde.. *** pon dh g Kl..
ak doakn ko okay.. :) '

thanks for listening to my rambling for the past few weeks,Wan.

and you too,Mat :)



***i was writing this while the only person i could reach n listening to my rambling every day was Wan.
he was there. He knows everything because we exchange stories :P

i spill it out to you guys too, emi,nad,wahid :')
if you guys are near, we could talk all day long. but, things weren't like our good old days. hehe

i wish i know what to do next.