obsession

everyone of us have their own obsession right?

doesnt matter if it is hobbies, novels, movies, habits or else.

and i do have one.

and it is towards a person.

yup.

a person.

the sad thing is, he would never know me. it is only me that known him for like 5 years.

because we are like thousand miles apart.

the ocean keeps us away.

the land are not together.

the wind moves in different way.

like people says,

'we never know when our eyes had stuck to something. but when it do, it seems like forever'

and it is him.

Robert Pattinson

my closes friends would know how much i adore him. love him. could only see him smiling and melting inside.

yup, for the first time in my life i have an obsession towards artist-actor.

i used to mengutuk kawan2 yang suka gila2 towards certain actor.

macam pelik gila kot, dia dah la tak kenal kau, and kau gila2 suka kat dia sampai setiap lagu dia kau hafal, setiap movie dia kau tgk, setiap poster kalau boleh kau nak ada dalam bilik, setiap fakta tentang dia kau tahu, sampai apa dia buat semalam pun boleh jadi hot stories.

but after i knew him, i understand why and how.

it is hard to explain.

its like falling in love.

being blind.

being devoted. *okayy.over la ni

you always want to see them.

have dreams about them.

berangan have a boyfriend like him and bla bla bla

twilight klua mula2 dulu tahun 2008. tak silap. tahun ambil SPM.

masa tu tak pandang sgt but after reading reviews from mags and internet , rasa nak tgk cerita tu memang membuak2.

so, my mum buy the cd, and there it was.

i'm stuck. forever.

you wouldnt believe it if i say i watched that only one movie repeatedly for a day.

bangun pagi tengah sarapan = tgk twilight
kemas2 rumah = sambil tgk twilight
makan tengah hari = twilight
petang2 makan cekodok = twilight again
lepas maghrib = again twilight
malam2 dah nak tdo= tgk lagi twilight
and ada lagi masa2 yang lain tak tahu lah bila.

gila kan?

i was so addictive.

not towards the movie.

but towards him.

tu kalau lah dia jadi jadi jiran sebelah rumah memang aku bergayut jela kat pintu pagar rumah dia.

and it is so chronic until my mom pun tgk skali benda tu sebab dia pelik aku dok tgk benda y sama.

her reaction?

"bole laaa"

"oh mom, you would never understand how great this movie is. why cant you appreciate more" kata hati.

and it had been like that for a week maybe.
lepas tu makin kurang la aku tgk.
but still, my obsession towards him tak pernah hilang.

he nailed the character.

captured me slowly.

and made me stoned since then.

i have berpuluh gambar dia dalam laptop ni.

trust me.

you can see my collection.

video gambar2 dia pun ada.

gila stalker.

but, hey

i adore him in a good way.

bukan nak buat suami ke apekan

pakwe boleh kot.

eh

aku penah mimpi dia.

aku luahkan perasaan cinta kat dia.

tapi dia tolak.

dia naik basikal terus tinggalkan aku.

kwanghaja.

cerita kat lupi,

he just laughed out loud.

perasaan mimpi tu real tahu?

wuwuwuwu T.T

rasa frust gila cinta kena tolak.

aku bangun dengan perasaan sedih gila.

rasa nak nangis. isk isk isk

tapi takpa.

skang dia dah bujang balik.

boleh la menaruh harapan balik.

in dreamsssss

i just have this thought in my mind.

before i met Lutfi i was so into this guy.

i want someone just like him.

so badly.

and then, i met Lutfi.

He's fit in my imagination perfectly. 

well for now.

so girls, be careful what you wish for. 

as for now,

maybe this obsession dah makin kurang.

it's just not more than a fan praying for the best for her favourite actor.

  tapi-kalau-jumpa-depan-mata-still-boleh pengsan-lagi-kind-of

and sekarang bila aku tengok balik twilight 1

i was like

"how ridiculous i am years ago watching this over and over again. 

weirdo."